I have a friend who hates her mother in law. For years she has bitched and moaned and complained incessently about this woman. To be fair, her in law is a sadist with sociopathic tendancies. Regardless, your relatives are who they are and you are pretty much stuck with them. Today, after all these years, my friend confided in me that recently, as she has begun to understand how scared and alone and confused her mother in law is she has grown to love her and appreciate her in a manner of speaking.
And isn't that the truth. Most of the time, when you deal with some ass, they are usually just scared and alone and confused.
I think that there is a difference between expressing anger and meanness. Although the two are closely linked, like all leaves are green does not mean that all green things are leaves.
But you can understand and even love a bad person and you don't have to obey or be controlled by that person.