Sunday, May 24, 2009

Guest Post from my Wife

Michael Lorenzo is semi-potty trained. About 90% of the time, he tells me when he needs to go to the toilet. The other 10% is pretty awful, but bearable. I usually put him in a nappy when we go out, due to my fear that the bearable 10% could be unbearable out of the house. But I've been feeling that putting him in a nappy when he's practically trained might hurt his self-esteem. So, today I boldly decided to take him out without a nappy. I took Lia and nappy-free Michael to Barnes and Noble (to you foreigners, it's an amazing, humongous book shop). 

We walk right past the enormous cookbook section, where I briefly pause to long for alone time, and head straight to the kids' section. I sit down to read a book to Lia, while Michael stands next to us playing with this really cool train set. A couple of minutes later, I turn to look at Michael. He wasn't playing with the trains. He looked worried. I walk over to him, and the stench nearly knocks me to the floor. I stopped for a moment to acknowledge that somehow, in my 6 years of parenting, I never had to deal with this. I never had a stinky nappy-less kid in a public place before. I actually saw the positive in this and I felt good for a moment. 

The moment passed when I picked him up, and a huge glob of shit falls out of his pants and falls splat onto my sandal. I quickly look into my bag and can't find any wipes to wipe my sandal/foot. While I'm looking through my bag, another big glob of shit falls onto the carpet. And then there was another one, and this one seemed to fall in slow motion. I really don't know what I was thinking but I held out my hand and caught it. The carpet, Michael my sandal and my foot were covered in shit, and I was holding a not very well formed turd in my right hand. Lia was watching this, laughing hard. I said "Lia, drop the book NOW, we're going to the bathroom." She said, "Forget about it, I'm not going anywhere with you two." Which made a lot of sense, but she is 6 and I couldn't leave her. I told her that if she doesn't come with me I'll pick her up and carry her to the bathroom. I was holding Michael in one hand, which meant the only hand I could use to lift her was the one holding shit. She reassessed, and ran with us to the bathroom. Which, of course, was out of toilet paper. So I went and found an employee, who looked at me with utter horror.

Bad things have happened to me in my life. I think this was the worst. I tell you my tale because I want you to remember this at times when life makes you sad. Know that it could always be worse.

1 comment:

Rafi G. said...

that is pretty rough. but it can't be the worst. so you got some poo on your hands and feet and floor. big deal. everyone is happy (except for the employee who had to clean it up) and healthy.